all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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