your parents love me but you hate me
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
