Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
