mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
