Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
