The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
