Already got asked if we're dating
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
