Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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