Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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