omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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