lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
