i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
