do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
