she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
