I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
