i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Randomize
