I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Randomize
