Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
