Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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