Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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