I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
