I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
