she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize