batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
