Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
