It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
50% drunk capacity currently
pray to the hookup gods
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
