why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
