I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
