he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just googled if crying burns calories
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
