Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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