So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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