Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
