I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
