YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
