I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize