I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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