I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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