remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
