MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
