i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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