Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
