I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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