i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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