Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
