Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
