my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
