do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
