I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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