i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
