That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
