This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
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