I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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