Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
