You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
