are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
