sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
