The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
