She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
