My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
