Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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