OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
