Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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