***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
