why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
