my sisters under your porch take her home
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
