Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
