The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
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