so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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