Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
