Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
