hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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